Pax's Stories

The Music Man

I rematched with the Music Man on Hinge this past summer, after having a decently long flirtation with him 3 years previously … that ended when I ghosted him. Whoops. For one reason or another I got nervous and disappeared on him and maybe a few other guys back then. This time however, I had just been recently stood up by Casper the Fuckboy Ghost, and was feeling shitty about my failed attempt at my “coming out” into the single world. So I chatted him up, he invited me over, and I accepted.

So I get to his apartment, he offers me a bowl, we both hit one, and he points me towards his stellar record collection that we were talking about when we texted. He works in the Toronto music scene (who doesn’t lol), and I just love music – especially classic rock and R&B. I go and plop myself down on the floor in front of his record collection, talking to him about his favourites, when suddenly he’s standing right behind me, his boner pretty much just perched casually on my shoulder (as if I wouldn’t notice it ???🤔).

Music Man & His Resting Eggplant

If you’re wondering what I did… well obviously I had sex with him! I had something to prove to myself and he literally presented his boner to me on my shoulder 😂😂. I wanted to get over the hurdle of having sex with a new partner after breaking up with my ex, and I thought this would help. Unfortunately, I was wrong, and by the time I left, I realized that the Music Man managed to make me feel like I had been there to prove something to him and not myself. To make him feel better, or more worthy.

He left the next day on a canoe trip with some friends, and didn’t message me until he got back a week later. So, I never answered. Latest update? He messaged me about a month ago, asking if I would want to hang out again sometime, and I told him I wasn’t interested. Oh well, on to the next 😎.



Pax's Stories

The Boy Next Door

Oops… I did it again.

Photo by Anna Shvets on

So I’ve been seeing this guy that I’ve known my whole life. He’s seen me through all of my awkward as hell stages and somehow always had a thing for me throughout all of them (including the stages where I was a raging hormonal bitch).

I broke up with him and got back together with him maybe 10 times in middle school (yes I know hahah), and then we both went our separate ways. Fast forward 10 years and we reconnected. I was single for the first time ever, and he somehow still had a thing for me. Even told me he always thought of me as the perfect girl next door.

We started hanging out and hooking up, and everything was good, chill, until my ex reappeared in my DMs and made me reconsider the way things were going for me. Suddenly I realized, this guy who I thought might be my perfect little boy next door, was more likely actually just be me romanticizing the situation.. because, well, how Hallmark would it be if I fell in love with my childhood sweetheart and got married and lived happily ever after? I know.

But the thing is.. I hate Hallmark movies. So between me and you, I think that I’m going to be breaking his heart for the 11th time..

Comment below to let me know what you think!

Pax's Stories

Casper the Fuckboy Ghost

This summer during the pandemic, I decided to break up with my boyfriend of a few years so I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life, and to really experience the Toronto dating scene for the first time in my life.

So, as most of us do, after breaking up with my ex, I downloaded all usual dating apps – Hinge, JSwipe, Tinder, and Bumble – and decided to go for it. Few days in, I meet this super cute guy, we have a few mutual friends, so when he asks me for my number I give it to him. He spends a whole week texting me day and night. He asks me mid-week to come over that Friday night after he finishes a birthday dinner nearby for his best friend, to meet him at his apartment near Jarvis & Carlton at 11:00pm. That he was just so excited.

I decide to go downtown early so I could grab a drink at the bar next door, to hype myself up for my first ever booty-call with a margarita and a shot of tequila. I’m a little tipsy by the time I realize it’s 11:00pm and I haven’t heard from him; so I text him and wait. It’s now 11:30pm, and I’m standing at JARVIS & CARLTON, alone, at night. His phones dead and my messages aren’t going through so I by 12:00am I leave, go over to Iris’s house, and get baked with her, laughing and ranting about getting stood up until passing out.

The next morning I wake up, and still no word from him. 2:00pm comes, his phones still dead. It’s 5:00pm and I still haven’t heard from him, so I send him another message, just saying that he should text me back so I don’t worry that something happened to him… that was 4 months ago.

And I never heard from Casper the Fuckboy Ghost again..

Pax's Stories

The Titty Twister

Pray for Pax’s nipples 🙏🏼

While my summer of free love got off to a rocky start with Casper the Fuckboy Ghost, I decided to keep going with the dating apps. One day I match with this cute Jewish guy who I had a lot of mutual friends with, had a friend who dated him in high school casually… overall seemed like a good idea. He asked me to go to a drive-in movie with him, which I’ve always wanted to do; so I said yes.

The day of, he cancels on the drive-in, saying he has his parents place to himself, that I should come by there and watch a movie instead. So we pop in Austin Powers, share a joint, have some wine, and cuddle up on the couch. Once the movie ends, he just decides to go right for it. At first we’re just kissing which was nice, but then he goes to try and feel me up. So he starts really going for my boobs, well not really my boobs, but my nipples.

When I say “he was going for them”, what I really mean, was he was just twisting them back and forth and round and round, and PINCHING them. It was so uncomfortable, but it was also my first time really hooking up with someone in this kind of situation, so I didn’t know what to say. Just kept kissing him while he kept giving me a titty twister.

Eventually, when I got home later and changed into my PJ’s, I looked at my boobs, and no joke, they were legit purple. This boy gave me a