I rematched with the Music Man on Hinge this past summer, after having a decently long flirtation with him 3 years previously … that ended when I ghosted him. Whoops. For one reason or another I got nervous and disappeared on him and maybe a few other guys back then. This time however, I had just been recently stood up by Casper the Fuckboy Ghost, and was feeling shitty about my failed attempt at my “coming out” into the single world. So I chatted him up, he invited me over, and I accepted.
So I get to his apartment, he offers me a bowl, we both hit one, and he points me towards his stellar record collection that we were talking about when we texted. He works in the Toronto music scene (who doesn’t lol), and I just love music – especially classic rock and R&B. I go and plop myself down on the floor in front of his record collection, talking to him about his favourites, when suddenly he’s standing right behind me, his boner pretty much just perched casually on my shoulder (as if I wouldn’t notice it ???🤔).
If you’re wondering what I did… well obviously I had sex with him! I had something to prove to myself and he literally presented his boner to me on my shoulder 😂😂. I wanted to get over the hurdle of having sex with a new partner after breaking up with my ex, and I thought this would help. Unfortunately, I was wrong, and by the time I left, I realized that the Music Man managed to make me feel like I had been there to prove something to him and not myself. To make him feel better, or more worthy.
He left the next day on a canoe trip with some friends, and didn’t message me until he got back a week later. So, I never answered. Latest update? He messaged me about a month ago, asking if I would want to hang out again sometime, and I told him I wasn’t interested. Oh well, on to the next 😎.
Another lockdown in Toronto & pretty much everything is closed. We’re not supposed to see anyone outside our households. So.. the fuck are we supposed to do now? Luckily for you guys, we’re here.
This post will contain 5 things you can still do in the City or from your own home, written by Pax
As we get closer to our inevitably long, cold Canadian winter, many of us Torontonians have begun feeling the impacts of seasonal depression. In a normal year, these pre-winter months can be particularly difficult for many of us. Throw in a pandemic and climate change, and BAM – we’re in for a stellar time. With the weather being more bipolar than Iris, we’ve had a mix of both sunny and warm days, and grey, depressing ones. So, while we’re all in lockdown, we all need to find ways to embrace the situation, and take advantage of the day – regardless of the weather.
Check out MadFit on YouTube, for a large number of no-equipment, free workouts with Toronto’s own Maddie Lymburner. Maddie’s YouTube account has become even more popular during the pandemic, as gyms closed down and Torontonians began looking for alternative exercise class options.
Maddie’s advice for staying fit during the pandemic: “moving your body in any way you enjoy is so important. You don’t need fancy equipment to feel good.”
In addition to MadFit, there are countless videos on YouTube that you can find to fit your exercise or meditation needs.
The Chesterfield is a new platform for Canadian artists to talk about their favourite Canadian art. The hosts of The Chesterfield will be video-chatting with some of the nation’s most creators from coast to coast, exploring the culture that inspires and connects us. There will be conversations with Rush (of course) and a number of award-winning authors, and discussion around Canadian horror films.
New episodes air every Tuesday.
2. Dating App Entertainment
If you’re single, you can download dating apps. Hear me out. You have SO many options. Personally, I’m a little weirdo and I never talk to anyone on a dating app unless they seem really weird. Because then thats the only conversation really worth having right now anyways. A hilarious one that I can talk to my friends about and write about. What more could I ask for? A cute guy? On a dating app? Who’s not a douchebag? Or exceptionally needy? Psh, come on. Plus, we’re in a fucking pandemic; we can add another one to the list of “things we don’t want”; that is a) to get pregnant b) to get an STI and c) to get COVID. So.. I might as well give up on sex for now in search of comedic relief to tide me over. BUT that being said, you do you and if you want to meet the love of your life, or just for the night, this is probably your best bet right now.
3. Go Green
First things first, by “go green” I don’t mean becoming more sustainable and eco-friendly. While I would love for you to do that, I’m thinking more along the lines of weed right now. We are so lucky in Toronto during this pandemic, that we now have dispensaries all over the City, delivery services, and we have things like WeedMaps to tell us everything we need to know.
Live it up, make some edibles, try out some of the interesting cannabis-infused beverages and stuff from the government. Plus, on nice days, what is better than a solo joint and walk or sesh in the park? If you’re a stoner like me, COVID could definitely be worse.
If like me you’ve probably already gone through the majority of Netflix (or if you’re really like me, you’ve also gone through most of Crave, Prime Video, and Disney+). So you’re probably ready to move on from the endless binging, and onto something that will make you feel more productive, creative, and less homicidal.
Since the beginning of the Toronto COVID-19 outbreak/lockdown in March 2020, I’ve managed to run through so many hobbies. From puzzles, to drawing, to taking random online courses, to exercise, and writing, I’ve tried a lot. So here are some ideas for you, to help you to keep from going crazy this lockdown:
Learn a language
I recommend using the app Duolingo – it’s been helping me a lot with my French! FYI, learning a second language/improving on your shit French skills can help make you much more employable here in Canada.
Break out the paints
Something I learned recently, everybody can paint. Will your painting be good? Maybe not. Mine weren’t. But, it’s still a really relaxing and expressive activity, and who knows, maybe you’ll make a masterpiece.
Maybe you’ve managed to become older than Betty White during this pandemic, and you’re really hankering for some good old fashioned fun. If this sounds like you, you better go on down to your nearest craft store and stock up.
Read a book
Contrary to popular belief, you can actually read for pleasure, when you’re not in school. Want to know more about the roaring twenties? Check out F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Beautiful & Damned. Want to know more about slavery? Check out the Book of Negroes. Want to know more about any subject? Hit up your girl Pax, and I’ll give you a great recommendation.
5. Distillery District’s Winter Village
While the usual Distillery District’s annual Christmas Market won’t be happening this year, they’ve decided to celebrate with their alternative Winter Village. Beginning November 12, the historic spot will be turned into a festive holiday experience once more – with some changes. Unlike the usual Christmas Market, stores will not be setting up vendor booths at the Winter Village, although some have extended patios and outdoor carts, and pick-up/take-out is available.
There won’t be any live performances, but there will be a digital exhibit set up in Trinity Square. Precautions once on-site include signs to promote physical distancing, increased cleaning and sanitization, and hand sanitizing stations throughout the area. As well, all guests are asked to wear masks, both indoors and outdoors.
6. Get COVID
So here we are at the end of this list, so if you’re still bored and you don’t really care about your or the community’s safety, you should go on down to Adamson BBQ!
Since owner, Adam Skelly, announced on his Instagram page that his business would be ignoring provincial lockdown orders and remain open for both dine-in and patio service. Groups of people have been attending the restaurant to dine, and many more have gathered outside carrying signs to protest the closure and promote Skelly’s decision.
We’re not here to tell you what to do – if you want to go get some delicious BBQ, and potentially get COVID while you do it, all the power to you. But for those of you in Toronto not looking to get swept up in the next inevitable bout of the virus, maybe steer clear of the Eglinton & Laird area for a bit.
While my summer of free love got off to a rocky start with Casper the Fuckboy Ghost, I decided to keep going with the dating apps. One day I match with this cute Jewish guy who I had a lot of mutual friends with, had a friend who dated him in high school casually… overall seemed like a good idea. He asked me to go to a drive-in movie with him, which I’ve always wanted to do; so I said yes.
The day of, he cancels on the drive-in, saying he has his parents place to himself, that I should come by there and watch a movie instead. So we pop in Austin Powers, share a joint, have some wine, and cuddle up on the couch. Once the movie ends, he just decides to go right for it. At first we’re just kissing which was nice, but then he goes to try and feel me up. So he starts really going for my boobs, well not really my boobs, but my nipples.
When I say “he was going for them”, what I really mean, was he was just twisting them back and forth and round and round, and PINCHING them. It was so uncomfortable, but it was also my first time really hooking up with someone in this kind of situation, so I didn’t know what to say. Just kept kissing him while he kept giving me a titty twister.
Eventually, when I got home later and changed into my PJ’s, I looked at my boobs, and no joke, they were legit purple. This boy gave me a