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Pax's Stories

The Music Man

I rematched with the Music Man on Hinge this past summer, after having a decently long flirtation with him 3 years previously … that ended when I ghosted him. Whoops. For one reason or another I got nervous and disappeared on him and maybe a few other guys back then. This time however, I had just been recently stood up by Casper the Fuckboy Ghost, and was feeling shitty about my failed attempt at my “coming out” into the single world. So I chatted him up, he invited me over, and I accepted.

So I get to his apartment, he offers me a bowl, we both hit one, and he points me towards his stellar record collection that we were talking about when we texted. He works in the Toronto music scene (who doesn’t lol), and I just love music – especially classic rock and R&B. I go and plop myself down on the floor in front of his record collection, talking to him about his favourites, when suddenly he’s standing right behind me, his boner pretty much just perched casually on my shoulder (as if I wouldn’t notice it ???🤔).


Music Man & His Resting Eggplant

If you’re wondering what I did… well obviously I had sex with him! I had something to prove to myself and he literally presented his boner to me on my shoulder 😂😂. I wanted to get over the hurdle of having sex with a new partner after breaking up with my ex, and I thought this would help. Unfortunately, I was wrong, and by the time I left, I realized that the Music Man managed to make me feel like I had been there to prove something to him and not myself. To make him feel better, or more worthy.

He left the next day on a canoe trip with some friends, and didn’t message me until he got back a week later. So, I never answered. Latest update? He messaged me about a month ago, asking if I would want to hang out again sometime, and I told him I wasn’t interested. Oh well, on to the next 😎.

xoxo

Pax

Lockdown Take 2: What to Do?

Another lockdown in Toronto & pretty much everything is closed. We’re not supposed to see anyone outside our households. So.. the fuck are we supposed to do now? Luckily for you guys, we’re here.

This post will contain 5 things you can still do in the City or from your own home, written by Pax

Pre-Covid vs. Covid Vibes

As we get closer to our inevitably long, cold Canadian winter, many of us Torontonians have begun feeling the impacts of seasonal depression. In a normal year, these pre-winter months can be particularly difficult for many of us. Throw in a pandemic and climate change, and BAM – we’re in for a stellar time. With the weather being more bipolar than Iris, we’ve had a mix of both sunny and warm days, and grey, depressing ones. So, while we’re all in lockdown, we all need to find ways to embrace the situation, and take advantage of the day – regardless of the weather.

What to do during the lockdown in Toronto

1. Virtual Classes & Activities

Eventbrite

Check out Eventbrite, and attend a virtual event based in the City, or abroad. On any day you can find a range of events like guided meditations, slam poetry, graphic novel book club, and a number of events for professional, and specifically, professional women in Toronto (i.e., networking, the Black Business & Professional Association (BBA)’s Boss Women Entrepreneurship Training Program, and a shhhiiiiitttttt ton more.) Believe me, you’ll find something. Also, you can use a filter to find only free events, of which there are plenty!

MadFit

Check out MadFit on YouTube, for a large number of no-equipment, free workouts with Toronto’s own Maddie Lymburner. Maddie’s YouTube account has become even more popular during the pandemic, as gyms closed down and Torontonians began looking for alternative exercise class options.

Maddie’s advice for staying fit during the pandemic: “moving your body in any way you enjoy is so important. You don’t need fancy equipment to feel good.”

In addition to MadFit, there are countless videos on YouTube that you can find to fit your exercise or meditation needs.

The Chesterfield

The Chesterfield is a new platform for Canadian artists to talk about their favourite Canadian art. The hosts of The Chesterfield will be video-chatting with some of the nation’s most creators from coast to coast, exploring the culture that inspires and connects us. There will be conversations with Rush (of course) and a number of award-winning authors, and discussion around Canadian horror films.

New episodes air every Tuesday.

2. Dating App Entertainment

If you’re single, you can download dating apps. Hear me out. You have SO many options. Personally, I’m a little weirdo and I never talk to anyone on a dating app unless they seem really weird. Because then thats the only conversation really worth having right now anyways. A hilarious one that I can talk to my friends about and write about. What more could I ask for? A cute guy? On a dating app? Who’s not a douchebag? Or exceptionally needy? Psh, come on. Plus, we’re in a fucking pandemic; we can add another one to the list of “things we don’t want”; that is a) to get pregnant b) to get an STI and c) to get COVID. So.. I might as well give up on sex for now in search of comedic relief to tide me over. BUT that being said, you do you and if you want to meet the love of your life, or just for the night, this is probably your best bet right now.

3. Go Green

First things first, by “go green” I don’t mean becoming more sustainable and eco-friendly. While I would love for you to do that, I’m thinking more along the lines of weed right now. We are so lucky in Toronto during this pandemic, that we now have dispensaries all over the City, delivery services, and we have things like WeedMaps to tell us everything we need to know.

Live it up, make some edibles, try out some of the interesting cannabis-infused beverages and stuff from the government. Plus, on nice days, what is better than a solo joint and walk or sesh in the park? If you’re a stoner like me, COVID could definitely be worse.

Toronto Park Sesh

4. Hobbies

If like me you’ve probably already gone through the majority of Netflix (or if you’re really like me, you’ve also gone through most of Crave, Prime Video, and Disney+). So you’re probably ready to move on from the endless binging, and onto something that will make you feel more productive, creative, and less homicidal.

Netflix: Are You Still Watching?

Since the beginning of the Toronto COVID-19 outbreak/lockdown in March 2020, I’ve managed to run through so many hobbies. From puzzles, to drawing, to taking random online courses, to exercise, and writing, I’ve tried a lot. So here are some ideas for you, to help you to keep from going crazy this lockdown:

  • Learn a language
    • I recommend using the app Duolingo – it’s been helping me a lot with my French! FYI, learning a second language/improving on your shit French skills can help make you much more employable here in Canada.
  • Break out the paints
    • Something I learned recently, everybody can paint. Will your painting be good? Maybe not. Mine weren’t. But, it’s still a really relaxing and expressive activity, and who knows, maybe you’ll make a masterpiece.
  • Knit/Crochet/Needle Point
    • Maybe you’ve managed to become older than Betty White during this pandemic, and you’re really hankering for some good old fashioned fun. If this sounds like you, you better go on down to your nearest craft store and stock up.
  • Read a book
    • Contrary to popular belief, you can actually read for pleasure, when you’re not in school. Want to know more about the roaring twenties? Check out F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Beautiful & Damned. Want to know more about slavery? Check out the Book of Negroes. Want to know more about any subject? Hit up your girl Pax, and I’ll give you a great recommendation.
Girl Reading Emma by Jane Austen

5. Distillery District’s Winter Village

While the usual Distillery District’s annual Christmas Market won’t be happening this year, they’ve decided to celebrate with their alternative Winter Village. Beginning November 12, the historic spot will be turned into a festive holiday experience once more – with some changes. Unlike the usual Christmas Market, stores will not be setting up vendor booths at the Winter Village, although some have extended patios and outdoor carts, and pick-up/take-out is available.

There won’t be any live performances, but there will be a digital exhibit set up in Trinity Square. Precautions once on-site include signs to promote physical distancing, increased cleaning and sanitization, and hand sanitizing stations throughout the area. As well, all guests are asked to wear masks, both indoors and outdoors.

6. Get COVID

So here we are at the end of this list, so if you’re still bored and you don’t really care about your or the community’s safety, you should go on down to Adamson BBQ!

Since owner, Adam Skelly, announced on his Instagram page that his business would be ignoring provincial lockdown orders and remain open for both dine-in and patio service. Groups of people have been attending the restaurant to dine, and many more have gathered outside carrying signs to protest the closure and promote Skelly’s decision.

We’re not here to tell you what to do – if you want to go get some delicious BBQ, and potentially get COVID while you do it, all the power to you. But for those of you in Toronto not looking to get swept up in the next inevitable bout of the virus, maybe steer clear of the Eglinton & Laird area for a bit.

That’s all for now my lovelies!

Stay sane, sexy and safe xoxo

Love, Pax


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Pax's Stories

Casper the Fuckboy Ghost

This summer during the pandemic, I decided to break up with my boyfriend of a few years so I could figure out what I wanted to do with my life, and to really experience the Toronto dating scene for the first time in my life.

So, as most of us do, after breaking up with my ex, I downloaded all usual dating apps – Hinge, JSwipe, Tinder, and Bumble – and decided to go for it. Few days in, I meet this super cute guy, we have a few mutual friends, so when he asks me for my number I give it to him. He spends a whole week texting me day and night. He asks me mid-week to come over that Friday night after he finishes a birthday dinner nearby for his best friend, to meet him at his apartment near Jarvis & Carlton at 11:00pm. That he was just so excited.

I decide to go downtown early so I could grab a drink at the bar next door, to hype myself up for my first ever booty-call with a margarita and a shot of tequila. I’m a little tipsy by the time I realize it’s 11:00pm and I haven’t heard from him; so I text him and wait. It’s now 11:30pm, and I’m standing at JARVIS & CARLTON, alone, at night. His phones dead and my messages aren’t going through so I by 12:00am I leave, go over to Iris’s house, and get baked with her, laughing and ranting about getting stood up until passing out.

The next morning I wake up, and still no word from him. 2:00pm comes, his phones still dead. It’s 5:00pm and I still haven’t heard from him, so I send him another message, just saying that he should text me back so I don’t worry that something happened to him… that was 4 months ago.

And I never heard from Casper the Fuckboy Ghost again..

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Pax's Stories

The Titty Twister

Pray for Pax’s nipples 🙏🏼

While my summer of free love got off to a rocky start with Casper the Fuckboy Ghost, I decided to keep going with the dating apps. One day I match with this cute Jewish guy who I had a lot of mutual friends with, had a friend who dated him in high school casually… overall seemed like a good idea. He asked me to go to a drive-in movie with him, which I’ve always wanted to do; so I said yes.

The day of, he cancels on the drive-in, saying he has his parents place to himself, that I should come by there and watch a movie instead. So we pop in Austin Powers, share a joint, have some wine, and cuddle up on the couch. Once the movie ends, he just decides to go right for it. At first we’re just kissing which was nice, but then he goes to try and feel me up. So he starts really going for my boobs, well not really my boobs, but my nipples.

When I say “he was going for them”, what I really mean, was he was just twisting them back and forth and round and round, and PINCHING them. It was so uncomfortable, but it was also my first time really hooking up with someone in this kind of situation, so I didn’t know what to say. Just kept kissing him while he kept giving me a titty twister.

Eventually, when I got home later and changed into my PJ’s, I looked at my boobs, and no joke, they were legit purple. This boy gave me a

PURPLE NURPLE.

Categories
Iris's Stories

Read The Signs

I was going over to this guys house, we met once before, starting with some darling plant shopping, and ending with a BJ in the elementary school parking lot (our dumbness didn’t even realize recess let out half way through…….oops.) I kept blowing him off and he was extremely kind about it, but then once asked me to make a promise to see him or else he’d be extremely sad (R.F.1 – the fuck?). Fuck it, I had no real reason to dodge him other than I want my me time all the time. He picked me up, and when we got to his place and he explained how he does;t want to smoke, then starred me down and before I could say a word went “actually, you intrigue me to break my rule.” (R.F.2 – that easily swerved by someone they don’t know?). I figured it was time all the talking stopped. We started…. you know… and he called a third person on the phone asking her to come and fuck me. (R.F.3 – no asking) I have no problems with bringing people in, but we all gotta veto each other. She couldn’t make it and after a bit of playing around I was ready to head home. He told me he would drive me there and had a surprise for me. The surprise? As we were driving, he whipped out his phone and showed me a dozen videos of me sucking him off in his room (R.F.4 – ASK) I didn’t freak, I looked hot. I told him to please delete them which he did then turned the car around, drove further south ( we were heading north) (R.F.5 – yikes wtf)and I got out at dundas square, met some friends, and we ended up eating churro’s on the steps of Ryerson. I’m not unhappy by this experience by any means. There was no hostile energy, I never felt in danger or anything he had a very calm tone (could be considered alarming). It’s simply not someone I necessarily want to see again, but the sex was fucking great, I learned some fantastic tips and tricks. Plus I left with a little souvenir, a week later and my nipple are still super tender.